property

June 12, 2019 Aside

Girls are Rubbish!!

 

The Girls of the Household….yup totally Rubbish the both of them!

So you may think my statement above is well, just a little to much?…. BUT no! it bloody well isn’t I have had enough. She has gone too far, she what am I saying THEY! have gone too far, the straw that broke the camels back is well huge, massive, a  world extinction event! The dinosaurs have nothing on this…. You know it!  Hell I am saying it!!! Where is my bloody yogurt!………..erm perhaps I should explain…..

One morning not so long ago I went down to breakfast at the appointed hour, the house was as quite as an empty house could be! Iwona had risen early to go shopping, not provisions for the house, you understand, that’s my job, she had an important visit to make to the garden centre to purchase a few more plants that were “needed!”….Yea right! I looked in the fridge and a disaster presented itself in front of me… You see I like yogurt, and amongst other things, this has been outlawed in my diet because of the few medical issues I am currently dealing with (if you don’t believe me, read the last blog about Brussel Sprouts!). But a few days previously, on a trip to the shops I found a yogurt that I can and would love to eat!! Having purchased this holy grail, I brought it home and placed it in the fridge ready to be dreamed about and savoured till such time as I deemed it appropriate to consume its nectar! Upon opening the fridge, I found it missing! Further investigation ensued and I discovered the package that this oh beautiful item once filed to be discarded, that’s right thrown away without even a thought, in the recycle bin (very important to recycle though these days I have to say).

I am not sure who committed this dastardly crime, but I have an idea, and who their accomplices are! I am not going to confront them directly they would want me to do that wouldn’t they?? Just so that they could tell me I am mad, and it was only a yogurt, tell me that I do things far worse, like oooh I don’t know not listen to them when they talk to me. What man listens to their partner I mean who does that?? So I have done what any sane member of the male population would do, I am writing about it!

So yes, its official, girls are indeed rubbish! Is there evidence for this, well of course there is…. Erm yes there is!! There is many reasons for saying this, look why don’t we just examine the evidence together shall we? The facts which are indisputable and are like I said many too many in fact to list so I shall just give you erm yes just a few!

I am at the ripe old age of 46, the same age in fact when Freud mused “ what do Women want!” So I have to conclude that I am mature in my knowledge of women at this stage, and if Freud thought they were rubbish, then ergo so must I!!

I walked up and down the stairs 5 times yesterday- this by itself is no momentous thing I here you say? Well the reason for going up and down the stairs is? If someone asks you to look at the shower head because it is loose, wouldn’t you tell them about the other things they want you to look at when you were there? Or would you ask them to come back to the bathroom 5 times for 5 different things??

Like I said before my favourite yoghurt is missing from the fridge. Whilst we do live with Bum and George, George well he’s a cat and a man he just wouldn’t, we understand each other you see. And Bum well Bum is a girl and tempted by food but she couldn’t open the fridge could she?? So the ring leader is clear and well she’s a GIRL!!!

Iwona’s desk totally clear, you see bigger than mine how are you supposed to find anything if there is nothing on it !!

Double standards, she constantly tells me I am messy, Pugh! If I put something down for a while a day or two only a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things, I promise you. It gets tidied up, I mean how am I supposed to find it again???? How dare she look at my desk below compared to Hers’ mine is organised, Hers’ is just well look at it!…. Its empty…! What use is that??? And its bigger! Probably best not to talk about size though, she could use that against me?

You see easy everything is there, you just have to look. And a perfect parking place for my Lamborghini!!

Talking of Bum, she won’t give me the ball when we are playing. This is a typical girl trick most men here will understand this but I am sure that for female readers of this blog you will have no idea!

Did I mention the yoghurt!

Hoovering, yes I know its brand ok Vacuuming! We have been married now for…..erm a while? And in that time I have taken up the mantle of the vacuum cleaner err occasionally.. But its occasionally because she doesn’t appreciate it. When I tell her I have vacuumed, do I get recognition, a small ok, big cuddle just to let me know I have done right? A small token of appreciation like well something small and gold with some sort of ribbon on it like a medal but not quite…after all I suppose I didn’t win a war single handed? But no, nothing, and when it comes up in err a heated discussion I am told that she does it all the time as well as the rest of the cleaning; Ironing; washing etc just stuff she always says really. After all I did vacuum, what does she want from me?

And then there is the biggest issue of all. I am a virile; sexy; gorgeous; amazing specimen of manhood and at 46 and a few days old I am in my prime-ish and what did she do well she married me didn’t she! Need I say more! She knew what she was getting into and still she did it!! So absolutely, she can’t complain now can she?

 

I guess the list could go on and on but I won’t bore you with all the details of why or even prove to you any of the claims made above. After all Trump doesn’t have to substantiate anything he claims and he became President of the United States!!

Moreover have you ever looked in a handbag belonging to a GIRL!?? I did once and you can’t go back from that, let me tell you. Its haunting! The whole house has to be sparkly and clean, shinning like a new pin at any given moment even at 6am in the morning whilst I am trying to obtain my erm… beauty sleep! I have been woken up to be told that there is a cobweb that needs to be removed (believe me you cant go back to sleep after that). And yet the handbag if full to the brim of disorganised chaos. Where you will find long forgotten mementos of a life lived, riches and treasures to be discovered. Rabbit holes to be followed. Men don’t have that do they, we have sheds! Or rooms which we convert. Places where if a girls sets foot they are immediately expelled! For fear of them moving something or tidying up (how dare they, I know where everything is.) So as I write this dear reader I have to consider moreover that Girls are indeed Rubbish, I mean how could she have eaten my last yogurt!!!!!!!!

January 5, 2018 Aside

A Christmas Message…….post script!

So Christmas has come and gone. A delightful time of year when we all get time to take stock, think about our lives. Where are we going, what are we doing. It’s also a time of presents, laughter and time for family.

My wife brought me a present, nothing unusual about that I am sure you are thinking. Well it isn’t and it is, you see her gift was ingenious! Let me set the scene for you…. I being male, have a tendency to lose things. Car keys, iPad, phone and on one glorious occasion my trousers but that’s a completely different story. My beloved being female has tendency to move my things (although I have now banned her from my workshop, the stress is too much for any Man), as such I do call out to her, on occasion, in distress when I cannot find something vitality important to my sanity. This occurs seldom only about three or four times a day, a little more if she is in a clearing up mood. She is not a fan of me calling out (gently and with love), I never swear or raise my voice, we are a partnership , she cleans the mess I make, like I said a perfect partnership! However, you see the stress does come out when you are looking for something, especially when the person who relocated this prized item tells you that you should have put it somewhere memorable. This, to be honest has become a small, slight problem within our relationship. To cure me of asking for where things are my sweet, sweet wife before Christmas took it upon herself to punish such insurrection by condemning me to a torture best reserved to fiends in the Middle Ages, taken to the tower never to be seen again, or somehow convincing me that I am a small naughty girl named Daisy. She does this with such panache that I must admit she is a true expert, sometime I dont even know its happening. So you see my present, and this is the genius of her, was a tracker, a personal tracker for those things that are lost (moved/tidied up)

Over the holidays we took an extended trip to visit my wife’s parents and sister who were all pleased to see us and happy to meet Bum. Cooking up just over 4000 miles in the Landy can be strenuous, it’s a challenge to get it to 65MPH and even more of challenge to sit in it over not so smooth roads as we bounce around inside. A wonderful trip and worthy of the Christmas spirit, a small Church was visited at the top of a large arse firming hill, whilst several castles were inspected close up, after an hour or so of walking vertically. Some of you who know my wife understand her fascination with partaking of the occasional jaunt.

Before we left we changed up some sterling into Euro to keep us going, and when we got back Iwona told me she had left it in a basket at home should I need some cash. A day or so later she promptly departed our home to go to London and the New Year’s work that lay waiting for her. This morning I was able to find my keys and phone and a couple of other misplaced items, she had moved before she went, easily and quickly using my new gift. I decided that some post-Christmas shopping was required to replenish our stocks of food; red wine and the like. Damn I didn’t have any cash so I looked for the basket containing the required sums to complete my mission.

Baskets it seems are my wife’s equivalent of pillows for other women, as such we have a number of baskets in the house. I didn’t realise how many really till this morning, 42…. It took me nearly half an hour to search all of them, then again just in case I had missed something. If you ask me if I know what is contained in said baskets I have no idea just a jumble of stuff I am sure brought for the purpose of having more baskets! At an hour’s mark I admitted defeat and texted my love for directions. The answer was helpful and came swiftly. I didn’t say in the basket I said in the draw. Fantastic I thought in the, draw why didn’t I think of that, hang on, would she now say that I wasn’t listening to her??? And which bloody draw!!! I am not counting them but I do assure you there are quite a few in the house. a quick text and after admitting I had been looking for the Euro now for some time, she asked why I hadn’t texted before looking and in any case she had moved the Euro to her handbag for safer keeping, the handbag which was now by her side where she sat in her office in London !!!!!! My response was blunt, she countered this though I can’t quite remember what she said it must have been with something loving and wonderful an apology of biblical proportions, bless her…… So it just leaves me to say a very Happy New Year to all of my readers and please say all the best from Daisy to your families……

July 8, 2017 Aside

Did you say you wanted to stay one week Tom Cruise?

There are some, only a few who consider me to be delusional. Yes, that’s it, delusional, that’s the word. Why do people think I am like that, well I shall tell you! Firstly I gave up a promising career in the UK to follow a dream, for over a year I haven’t had much coming in and lots upon lots going out, all to pay for said dream. Has it been worrying? No…..it’s been bloody terrifying!! Has it been satisfying to watch something grow, to see changes around the place daily for the past year?…. Absolutely

Then there is the other unknown, the bit that worried us both the most, will our clients like what we have created, will they be nice people, will they???how can I put this, well, will they get it?. Get what I hear you ask?? The answer is “IT!” Why they should spend good money to come here! ” IT”; The reason we are here; the reason we did all of this; to lead a different life, meet interesting people, engage, if only for a short time in their lives as they engage with ours. And if possible provide a glimpse or a slice of freedom. Time to relax, time to recharge, time to prepare to go forth and do battle again. But also so much more than that……………hat’s what “IT” is, well to me anyway.

But I digress, let me get back to my imaginings. I imagined our first clients to be rather nice and friendly, but I was terribly wrong………..they are lovely! And not the slightest bit put out by my madness which is a bonus! Bob and George have been adopted, Bum goes and visits every morning for what I am sure is a little snack or two…. Whenever I look over to check all is ok, I am treated with smiles and kind words and they get “IT!”…… What more could I ask for!

So why am I” soft in the head”, as Dave has told me on more than one occasion? You see I imagined this, back way then, all that time ago, I dreamed that this is what it would be like. Sitting here writing this, sun high in the sky, the sound of happy clients feeding Bum far too much sweet stuff. I dreamed a bit bigger too. Yes, my imagination did run a bit wild. Don’t judge me because in my mind we had a booking from Tom Cruise; I became world famous, over 6 feet tall dashing good looks with a head of tough jet black hair and a bank account large enough to be able to afford a small island.

As mad as a Hatter or delusional well I suppose I shall have to let you decide, as for my opinion I think I am a little of both, as for my wife? I shall ask you this! who is the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows them! But then again did she follow me or did I follow her? This could go on for a bit! So I have just one last thing to say; just before I went to sleep last night I am convinced Keanu Reeves rang me to book a week, the problem is I can’t remember his number……..!

June 10, 2017 Aside

Lets say it together Whoof Whoof!

 

 

There is something which has been bothering me recently…. And that something is Bum. Bum is our black Lab Boxer cross and truth be told, she is utterly gorgeous and playful and cuddly and well, just wonderful! So much so that I wonder what life would have been like without her.But you see Bum, as lovely as she is gets much, much more attention than I do. Gone are the days when my wife would give me belly rubs, call me a good boy and generally make a fuss of me..now its all about Bum! … I don’t won’t to incriminate myself by saying too much but I she sings to Bum, has long conversations with her, shares even last bit of her food, give her cuddles and endless kisses, asks her if she slept well, wakes her up from bad dream and hikes with her (just up and down the garden but hey) Even when Bum snores she doesn’t get kicked or pushed around the bed. I must say some times when I wake in the morning I feel as though I had been 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and have the bruises to prove it!

The process of beautifying our home continues; the Veg garden is coming along a treat and we will have plenty of veg, there is even melon planted and of course strawberries!! There should all be ready and grown large enough for our first clients who are due on the 1st of July. Yes, that right we have clients coming in just few short weeks and very excited we are too!! Hopefully there will be some strawberries left by the time they arrive!! Planting new flowers and general landscaping is of chief concern to my wife and with that in mind I arranged for 80 tons of gravel delivered for the drive and pathways. The ever knowledgeable Dave, told me that we could shift it and get it in place over a weekend provided we got hold of a small machine to help. Iwona has had other plans, refusing even to use the small trailer that attaches to our lawn mower, she has laid three pathways and moved nearly 14 tons with just a small wheel barrow and rake. But truly, other than everything building, what does Guru Dave know!!

I of course have been helping with lots and lots of strong encouragement!! Before you ask I can help alongside her, we only have one wheel barrow and spade. She keeps on telling me to not waste money buying unnecessary stuff.. so you can see my predicament, best to let her get one with it I say!! After all she likes the Dog more than me anyway…

 

 

February 10, 2017 Aside

Spring? Already!

 

Friday is my day. For the rest of the week, including Saturday and Sundays, I am either working on the Gites, general building, painting or just plain taking the rubbish to the dump. Saturday and Sunday will find me being used and abused by my wife and not in a fun way! Under the close scrutiny of my supervisor in charge, Iwona, I will be either wood cutting, cleaning brambles or well anything she orders me to do!

So like I said Friday is my day, Dave is usually off somewhere else, and Iwona would be yet to arrive from the UK. I wake up late, well as late as I can Bum, our dog, normally comes and gets me around 8, if the cats, Bob and George haven’t already seen to it. After a long breakfast I begin to clean the house as I have been trained to do. Then shopping and home for an early evening and time to write my blog. A good day. Not quite wondering around without a care in the world but that’s ok, everyone has chores to do after all we are adults aren’t we??? Please dont tell me that I am the only one who sounds remotely desperate Housewife!

This Friday has been a little different though. Around November time winter set in and the cold weather hit us, and it has been cold, really cold… Today however I opened the door to let Bum go out whilst I moped up, and I breathed in a slight cut grassy smell. It was warmer, I checked the thermometer outside: 13 degrees, I checked the time 8:30 am. I looked around, were the trees a little fuller, the bushes a little more, well bushy?? Can’t be spring can it?. It’s too early it’s only the end of January.

I looked at my Weather app on my phone, what would we do without them!! The next two weeks average 13 degrees with one day being 17, a little rain but mostly sunny ! A little meanness came over me and I checked the weather in London. Average 10 and rain. Rain stops play, I thought! I do feel sorry for you if you are back in Blighty, umbrella in hand and rain coat on, whilst I shall be out and about, blue sky and sun beaming down on me….. I don’t really, just thought I would be nice, and in any case if you like you could get away from all that dreary rain and stuff . Pop across and visit, spend a day in the sun, drink up the atmosphere as well as a well-chosen bottle of red wine, watch the Sun go down…

I won’t get you to help me with the chores …Promise!

January 16, 2017 Aside

Its 2017!! How the hell did that happen??

Well it happened, didn’t it.
1st came Christmas, lots of eating, a fabulous meal; cooked by Me! I hasten to add. Even a lesson in making Frois Gras! Dont be jealous but it was fabulous if I do say so myself! Then a few days after, friends visited from Luxembourg and another friend came up to spend the evening, we lite a Chinese lamp (a safe one!); Iwona made a bonfire (it was safe-ish!) We roasted Marshmelows, and apples; drank champers and ended the evening with a game of Explosive Kittens! I was of course the champion! Unless you account for the fact that I didn’t win that is….. But I did buy the game!

Then it happened… It happened a few days after New Year’s and I haven’t quite gotten over it. Its nothing quantifiable nothing I could point out and say that’s it, look over there on the ground look at that happening. I should perhaps put this in context. I am somewhere between 5.9 or 5.11 tall. I cant quite decide which, depends if I am wearing high heels or not. At the back of my mind I am nearly 7 foot, with impressive build, and can run the 100 meters in less that 3 seconds, dont get me started on my 1.5 minute mile…. the relevance of all this, all will become clear. Back to my height, on this particular day after New Years, everyone had gone home, including my wife who had to work, I woke up jumped out of bed and bashed my head. We live in an old house at least 100 years old, or so I am told. As such the beautiful beams that make up the roof are exposed, aesthetically beautiful. Heavy and thus very strong. Oh and did I mention low over my bed.. You can see the issue, jumping out of bed with the energy of a 20 year old is not advisable.
Whilst tending to the gash in my head I glanced at my face. You know that thing at the front my head, The person staring back at me wasn’t well me? Who the hell was this guy? Firstly he was bald! And I have wonderful hair, dont I? There were lines on his face, bags under his eyes, a scar here and there and in his beard there were grey bits…… I took my top off, the once athletic figure has been replaced buy floppy bits, now where did they come from?? Does this mean that I cant run the 100 or even get a the mile done in 4 days let alone try for the 4 minute! Mind you truth be told I could never had done that anyway!!
So there I was bloody hands and head looking at the older version on me staring back from their mirror… And it happened I realize its 2017. Bloody 2017. Its been 10 year since I was working in Soho at Amato, all this lovely cakes! Hang on a minute weren’t we all supposed to be in space? Flying to the moon fighting HAL, for control.. So I am living in some old guys body, I have been lied to by Stanley Kubrick and I am not 7 foot tall…… They all said at the end of 2016 that, that was a bad year!
Its ok though, a few weeks after, the realization that I am indeed becoming an Old Fart. I am at peace with it I have come to terms with the aches and pains. The building work is going well, I am nearing finishing decorating the Gites and we even have a booking!!!! Yup a booking, 2017 is gonna be great!

December 22, 2016 Aside

A Christmas Story…like no other???

Look at what that idiot is doing with that piece of wood? Cant believe he gets the opposable thumbs!

The Sun is beaming in the sky; its frosty and cold. I am sitting in my pyjamas, I have my writing cowboy hat on; Dusty Springfield is blaring on the stereo; and I have a glass of something soothing on the table next to me. Yes its time for me to write the blog. When I say the blog I mean of course THE BLOG, the Christmas blog that is…

Is this where Santa is going to deliver the Prezzies??

There have been several indicators that Christmas was coming. My first clue was of course the weather, and then Dave popped his head out of the roof; pretending to be Santa Claus, Well I think he was just preparation for the main event on the 24th. I dare not ask where he hides the Sleigh or the Reindeer!! Santa Dave has of course a lot to answer for at most times of the year but especially at Christmas time, and even more especially at this Christmas time!

 

Santa Dave’s teachings have inspired me to, well be more me, more in tune with myself and my abilities. He has pushed, pulled and even sworn at me, then there the Dave look i get more than 50 times a day! Why? Well you see for Santa (aka Dave) there are no such things as seeing in grey, only black and white. You either can or well, you just have to try harder!!

 

Now its Christmas time and I have to, no scratch that, I want to get something for my life partner, you know the one who is always there, except when she is away. So what can I get, or even what can I do to prove my love for her. Enter Santa (Dave) not in person, figuratively so to speak I should probably explain a few things before I go any further. The Dog House has taken up most of our savings and as I am not employed; well not earning money from my employment as 3rd assistant dogs-body on the project; we decided to put a 20 Euro limit on presents to each other. This is where Santa (Dave’s) voice popped into my head……….You can make something for her!!!!

 

Now lets be totally clear, Dave err Santa, didn’t actually say those words to me. In fact, I am sure when he hears of this he may have a few choice words to say to me. But at the time of thinking of it I was pumped. Nothing could defeat me, I had a plan, I had the tools (thanks by the way Dave);and off course I had no skill whatsoever, but confidence can everything cant it??? Confidence was high, I stress was… So off I trotted, I got some wood, small piece because the gift was from my heart. Well actually it was going to be my heart. No, not the one in my chest, figuratively, come on, keep up. You see she travels a lot and this way I would make a small wooden heart with my own bare hands and she could take it with her everywhere!! Nice eh!! Romantic that’s me….

 

So I expect that you would like to see the result wouldn’t you? I know you would, well in reality so would I! You see there were a couple of issues. Its seems that confidence in this case doesn’t work. I started with a nice piece of wood about 5″x5″. This was about a week ago. Each day I have toiled, carved rubbed; sanded and sworn. Well there was a lot of swearing. The result wasn’t the best, if I am honest, but it may have been passable if hearts weren’t supposed to look heart -like and more like a small stick shaped thing. I may have gotten away with it though, you know its the effort and all that, and its still a really cool Romantic idea even Bum , the dog thought so…..

She stole it off the table and presumably has buried it somewhere in the garden because I cant find it anywhere!! Maybe she was trying to tell me something? Maybe she thought it would be nice if it accompanied my iPhone she stole a few moths ago? Who knows… But i forgive her you see Christmas is about forgiveness; and love; family all that. I just hope my wife remembers that when I give her the present I still have to buy. But of course she will, and do you know why? Well that’s easy she is wonderful, amazing even, the best thing that ever happened to me!

Are you wondering why I am being so nice about her? Just to be sure you see I am going to get her to edit this blog for me!!! Merry Christmas all!

December 13, 2016 Aside

Its cold damn cold but I have a plan!!

Frosty!!

The weather is crispy here, there is frost on the ground and it’s cold, damn cold. Although when the fire is on inside the house its toasty and I find it very enjoyable to watch the outside, nature fulfilling its seasonal requirement so to speak! The cold weather has awakened me to the fact that it’s nearly Christmas and I have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen, preparing myself for the 25th and Christmas Lunch. A few friends invited plus us, should be a nice day. Which brings me to carrots..My wife hates carrots, absolutely loathes them when they are cooked, so I have turned my attention into a new and wonderful recipe to cook them, for her. Mad you say, she doesn’t like them, why would you even bother????? Well I shall explain!!

A little bit of Maple Syrup, some herbs, olive oil and just a touch of parmisan; Et Voila!!

Here at the dog house work has been going at a pace, the 1 bedroom gite is nearly finished, we have just to lay the floor then the bathroom kitchen and bedrooms can all be put in. The 2 bedroom gite is fully plastered and just waiting for me to take my paint brush in. Unfortunately we discovered about a month ago that we would need to put in a new septic tank, for the Gites. A couple of friends came to the rescue and one day a 20 ton digger appeared. A hole was dug, and to remove the rubble a dump truck duly appeared. What has this got to do with carrots and my wife; well bear with me and all will become clear. Now we all have our little fantasies don’t we; for example I like to have an imaginary stable of cool cars in my imaginary cool garage. Get where I am going with this? Yup you got the dump truck is part of that garage. It’s big has 6 wheels, each one taller than me and to top it up its bright yellow. I mean it’s just too cool not to have in there.. and here we come to the problem. My wife disagrees, she doesn’t like it in fact she hates the idea. I do know that this is imaginary but you have to understand, it’s very important to my inner man child, and a wife should support all of my eccentricity’ shouldn’t she???

Santa; can I have one for Christmas……. Please!!!!!!

And so here we come to the carrot situation. Some of you may think that I am making this recipe to force her to eat it just to get my own way don’t you! Well that’s not the case. I am doing this because I know I can change her mind. You see originally when we first met I am sure that she didn’t like me that much, thought I was too well me! But you see slowly I grew on her, worked my magic, put her under my spell. She likes me now, dare I say it as we are married, and will be coming up to being together for a decade next year ( or is it there year after?? She likes to keep me in the dark about such things you see) I would assume that she may even love me! I did that, I got her to this stage, so I can change her mind about carrots, and when she does! Then it’s just a short walk to my imaginary garage where I will be permitted to have………. my big yellow dump truck!

After all one cannot do these things without the women you love can you? ‘

November 27, 2016 Aside

Leaves and other green things that turn brown!

Our trees before they did what trees do!

Trees!! Yes, that’s it trees and what are this things called? Ahh yes, LEAVES!! Bloody leaves! They get everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, for most of the year the sight of trees blending into the background of the scenery around here truly is amazing. When a cool breeze blows in the summer heat, the sound of the wind through the trees is almost as cooling as the breeze itself; and if you close your eyes and listen to it, you can be transported somewhere else in your mind amids your dreams. However, at this time of year, the trees are beginning to go to sleep or are already at their slumber and what do we have, what do they deposit EVERYWHERE! Yup leaves……

The humble leaf in spring is the sign of goodness and the bounty to come. But now at the end of autumn they have carpeted the floor. The dog uses them to hide her “messages” like a sentinel waiting to trap you. My wife insists I rake them up into piles for the wind to spread out over the lawn again in the evening, and the following day I am asked why I hadn’t done as I had been asked. GRRRRRRRRRRR! The rain comes and they turn mushy, which is fine but if by some miracle the leaves aren’t blown all over the place, the dog uses the wet mounds I have created to lie down on and watch me at my task. Watching and mocking me… because she knows when she gets up she will be covered in something smelly. I get her back however with the call of bath time!!

I used to love bath time call. When my children were younger it signalled the end of their day. But with one last fun bit. Watching them splash around; making beards or wigs from the surrounding bubbles. Playing with the proverbial Rubber duck that could swim under water for hours without a breath… Not so much fun with Bum-bum I am afraid. You see she doesn’t really like bath time, and for some reason she knows when it’s coming. Iwona and I try all sorts of tactics to disguise what is going to happen. But she knows…. Take last Saturday, after picking up Iwona front the airport, a trip to pick some tiles for the bathrooms; then round to Dave’s for a light but very tasty lunch. The Bum was happy out in the garden so we left her to it with her mate Poppy. Poppy came in a little later and flopped on into her basket. Lunch was served and Bum came to the door to be let in. We could smell it as soon as she walked in, our hosts to polite to say anything and Iwona and I too frightened to mention it, we had lunch and quickly left. The smell followed us into the car and sat in the back panting and wagging her tail. She must have thought how happy we were at her new found perfume!

Its nice in the Sun

At home Iwona and I exchanged all meaning looks and Iwona retreated upstairs to run the bath. Bum ran in the kitchen and ducked under the table. Tail still wagging but head bowed, she knew. The smell of manure engulfed the room, I tried to drag her from her citadel. She bolted and ran to the couch, leaving traces and the everlasting smell on it. Finally I grabbed her and carried her upstairs. Into the bath she went and the “wash” proceeded. I cleaned the couch and removed the traces of where she had been, I lit a fire to keep her warm after her bath. Iwona followed her downstairs. She looked at me, the dog looked at me. The faint smell of manure still in the air…. I looked down and as I did so the smell got worse. I was well, how should I put this, let’s just say my clothes needed washing and me? You may well ask but you know the answers don’t you……. Bath-Time!!

November 18, 2016 Aside

Paint;Tea! oooohhh and a new website

Toasty!!

One of the main attractions of this house we so lovingly call the Dog House, is the fire place. When I say THE fire place I mean it. It’s huge!!! Almost as wide as the side of the house, made out of stone and very imposing! Recently we loved having open fires at night, glow of burning wood and the crackle of the flame. But there were a couple of issues, having an open fire is lovely but most of the heat goes out of the chimney, an open chimney that brings in the cold air down as the hot air rises. So whilst the fire was so beautiful it didn’t do what it said on the tin, it didn’t keep us warm.

Dave, the life saver, came to our rescue as always. You need a wood burner! He exclaimed. When it’s in you can walk around in your undies and never feel cold!! The thought of Dave in his undies didn’t deter us. A call to his friend Stephan at “Cerman and Flammes” and it was settled. A few cold weeks later and we are the proud owners of a very beautiful wood burner. Now what could be better than a new wood burner a new Kettle that whistles when its ready to provide piping hot waterthats what!! I had always wanted one of those and for 6 Euro I have one!! My old electric kettle from the UK bit the dust so to speak when it refused to boil anymore. Now a kettle that boils at 100 degrees is very important for the making of tea!!

Did you mention Tea, can I have bone with that?

“A good cup of tea!” ( said someone else somewhere in the midst of my brain, I cannot take the credit) “The British Empire was founded on Tea and as such we should consider it one of the pillars of Britishness!!” What it has to do with me living in France!??…Honestly I don’t know!

But tea you see, tea makes me think of paint….

The Painting Mans Kettle!!

As the Gites near their completion it has come down to me to slap the walls with wet smelly stuff. AKA Paint. A few thousand years ago when I was a teenager, my parents had a decorator, Mario.. On school holidays  I would be his dogsbody…Now Mario was a fantastic artist when it came to brushes, walls and of course paint. I learnt a lot from Mario, really a lot, not about painting and decorating I hasten to add, but how to make tea. Mario’s day would start with a 45 minute conversation and two cups of tea, breaking during the day, at least 5 times, for a cup’a Tea was of course obligatory and at days end a further 45 minute discussion about God knows what and two further cups of tea, one lived in fear that he would ask for a third, occasionally he would and the world seemed endless. Thanks to his tuition I am a master of the “TEA!!” But I must have picked up some things as the painting is coming along swimmingly one room done, and a second already started. I hope I will get the seal of approval when Iwona gets back tomorrow.

What else has happened this week, you wonder, isn’t that enough I ask!! Well no it isn’t!! A close friend of mine declared a few weeks ago that it was time for the web site to hold form. To live, to breathe and bring you some bloody clients! I think that was the way he put it. Eloquent very eloquent! James lives in America and runs Synergy Technologies, a computer company. I call it that because though he has spent many hours explaining what he does I have no idea!! Unless he described something in my basic language of one potato two potato I really don’t know what he is going on about. Probably that’s why we are such good friends, he likes potatoes you see. His team comprised of Michael and Brian, have worked wonders, I am sure there are more to thank but I only ever spoke with these guys. So thank you James, Michael and Brian. If you would like to see their work please go to http://www.peacinfrance.co.uk. If the need arises please click stay with us, truly do it, please. I promise Tea lots of freshly brewed tea!

 

Now didn’t they do well!!