Its all very difficult… you know what i mean! Marriage I am talking about marriage! My wife is lovely….. really fantastic but there are a couple of issues. For those of you who have been reading my offerings over the last few years i am sure you are aware of my predicament.. I mean the pen issue alone is a difficult one to handle (if you check out my blog from…… it will explain it all) but unfortunately there is more and as I am writing predominantly for myself I feel I can express myself in this column.
Let me explain the issues, she does trend to hide things from me, like the fact that she recently took my ride on lawn mower for a spin and returned it with go faster dents in it, it does go faster now though… few weeks ago she went away and as she wasn’t close at hand to ask, when I was looking for the broom to sweep away something on the ground I had to find it myself! I MEAN how dare she go away!!
Then there’s the things she makes me do that I don’t want to do. Like going to the dentist and making sure I go to my check ups with the doctors . You may say this is all good and for my health but I am not so sure. Maybe she is trying to work out how long I am going to survive?? But that’s not the worst. What’s worse is what she has stared doing recently. She has started cooking for me……….
Let me paint a picture for you. For the majority of my adult life I have been in food you know, professionally. We have been together for nearly 11 blissful years and in that time I would cook. And if I may say so myself really really well. After all we do offer cooking classes here in France. In fact the last clients we had, partook in the lessons and well, loved it. So like I say I am the cook of the household.
Then my partner in crime suggested that I had been working very hard one week and she should make dinner instead of me. How lovely I thought a night off! Want any help?? I asked. The answer was a swift no don’t worry you relax in front of the fire. Fated words I can tell you. I did as suggested I relaxed and soon dozed a little. I awoke to a faint call from the kitchen dinner was ready. Off I go not expecting to much. But what I was treated with was… you see I can only describe it as… amazing!!! That’s right, it was for all intents and purpose nearly the best meal I well in ever!! Each bite was a triumph. How bloody dare she!!
I modestly complimented her on the meal but didn’t go to far. Best not to fuel the fire I thought. But after the dishes were done, by me I hasten to add, She suggested a menu for the following evening. How long had she been planning this I thought as the ingredients, I noticed, were all in the fridge. What could I do I reluctantly agreed. For those readers of a jumpy disposition look away as it gets worse.
In the following weeks as her confidence has grown dinner has become more elaborate, cakes and desserts have been added a black bean brownie even turned up one afternoon. All beautifully cooked and scrumptious. Our next door neighbours have been round and the compliments came thick and fast. I was…no I am! despondent. I mean what do I do. Her cooking is …well how can I say this, dare I say this,… better than mine!!
You see dear reader. It’s not that she has taken away my “thing”. The bit of my talent that gives me reason for being. But if she can cook better than I can what is there left for me?? I mean will she need me anymore? Am I now becoming surplus to requirements. I mean anyone can do the washing up!! Can’t they??